I recently got an overseas call from one of my clients. He was about to make a trip to Trinidad and was checking on my availability for that day. He was to have arrived shortly after 1pm, so we arranged for a 3pm session. He later sent a text to inform me that there has been some delays and he would arrive later than expected, so we should shift the time to about 5pm. The time was further shifted when he texted to say that they had landed in Dominican Republic due to some difficulties, and he was uncertain when they would be leaving, so we should probably try for 10pm. I told him whenever he arrived, call me and we will take it from there. There was too much planning and shifting for my liking.
I went to see another client. We have an arrangement where he picks me up and takes me to his home and I find my own way back. Cool. I sat in the vehicle, and did the usual pleasantries. I could not help but notice that he looked haggard out. I enquired how he was. He was fine. I remarked that he did not look fine. He said well, Trinidad is a nice place and he is supposed to feel good about being here, but whenever he comes it is because someone is doing something to drive him crazy. I’m going crazy here. Crazy, crazy. It’s very stressful. Okay.
He explained that his company does work in many countries, but Trinidad is the worst. He cannot understand what is happening in Trinidad with the workers. I asked whether they did not understand what is required of them or just having difficulty complying. He said both. Both? My goodness. Yes, both. And you know what, Rinalda? They work for more money in some cases than professionals in other places. For example, I pay a diver here more money than I have to pay one in the USA, and the one here works for four hours and the one back in the USA works for five hours, and the one here does not do half as much work. It is stressful.
He complained about the red-tape system. Government talks about attracting investors, but the businessmen are being frustrated. I go to meeting after meeting with them, and it’s the same. I see people doing the same thing (whatever he does) without abiding by all (that he has to abide by) the paper work and the Government is not doing anything about it. I come here, I pay my taxes, I have plenty plenty rules to go by, and I cannot get the output I want. I have men from other countries that come here and do the work well. But, I operate in Trinidad so I employ Trinidadians too. They want more materials, they make bigger mistakes, and they do half the work for the same money. It is not good for staff morale. You know? The other guys are watching. I asked whether he planned to fire the Trinidad staff. No. No. I don’t plan to fire anybody. Everyone has to live. See? I just want them to do the work like the other guys. Jeez. I am paying them, you know.
What does that say to the Therapist who chooses to consider the above as a client consultation session? I thought that he needed the closest thing to a lover with a slow hand…an easy touch. I decided that there will be no verbal conversation. My job was just to slow down the brain waves…really slow. Bring the mental stressors into slow-motion mode, making it easier for him to identify exactly what the problem areas are and how to deal with them. Maybe the problems would pass by so slowly that they wouldn’t look like stressors at all.
And so it is, as Massage Therapists we may have the best massage routine in the world, but there will always be an occasion when we need to abandon that routine in order to effectively deal with a particular situation. During this session, it did not matter to me whether my client had knots in his back or lactic acid in his thighs. The first thing that is said, is always the most important. I know. That can be refuted. But the subconscious does out-wit the brain often enough to tell truer tales than tongue willingly allows. Whatever was happening to him physically was clearly taking a backseat to what was affecting him mentally. And if in listening I could not hear that, then I needed therapy.
Years ago I answered a hotel call one evening. It was the first time that I was meeting the gentleman. During the massage he took to moulding himself against the bed as I worked. I did not appreciate this as it meant that I was facilitating his masturbation. Apart from which, his muscles were not in a relaxed state because of his activity. As I got to the upper thigh and buttock, the movements became more vigorous. I paused long enough to get his attention. I suggested that he relax. He thought I needed to relax, and informed me that he was anally stimulated, and even advised on how I may add to the efficacy of the massage with anally stimulating strokes. After getting over his boldness, I proceeded to do my thing. He’d have to get the frosting for his cake elsewhere.
That experience was only the beginning. Several of my clients started confiding that they were anally stimulated. Then it went beyond words. A client, having had a few massages from me, felt comfortable enough to initiate the spicing up of the massage session. As I walked across the hotel room to rest my handbag on the chair, I noticed a container of a KY product along with a pair of latex gloves on the nightstand, and a vibrator on the bed. My brain started clicking. I asked his permission to use the washroom. I stood before the mirror, eyes wide, asking my image: what the hell is he up to?
During the massage he spoke of the findings of medical research on issues relating to the prostate, and advised that apart from medication, many are taking an interest in prostatic massage. After his very informative monologue that was geared to remove any guilt I may have had engaging in his proposal, I insisted that what he wanted strikes me as best being done by a Nurse. I said that I was uncomfortable with it and that that discomfort may lead to my doing something wrong and he may get hurt. He assured me that nothing will go wrong. The tactfulness was getting me nowhere. He had a comeback for each objection I had. So, I said: No. Plain and simple. Sure, the massage went cold, but got finished. And, I never saw him again. So much for non-compliance.
Though I have heard a number of men say that they can do without the invasiveness of the physical prostate exams that seem a necessary part of some medical check-ups these days, more men seem to be embracing the pleasure derived from stimulation of the prostate gland. This may be a forward step in self-acceptance. Hopefully, they don’t just drown in the pleasure of it, but seek to learn through the pleasure…at least. Too many men behave as if it is the money in their pockets that make them a man, rather than the parts of their body. Hence they don’t bother to spend half the time that they take to make money, learning about the various functions of their many body parts.
We understand that stress is a silent/invisible killer. Many men have highly stressful jobs. The glut of medical information also reveals the effects of stress on the prostate, via the urinary system, for example. If we understand the connection between the bladder and the prostate, and the effects of the sympathetic nervous system on both, then we can understand how high-stressed jobs are eating away at the health of the prostate each day in the name of decision-making, to say the least.
Stress causes the prostate to respond to the continuous stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system, which puts it under constant tension, locking off the urethra and blocking the flow of urine, or making such difficult to pass, and so on and so forth… The prostate itself becomes one of those knots that Therapists talk about. How many Massage Therapists are willing to massage the knot out, or drain the lactic acid from it? What is the level of toxicity (depending on the diet of the client) of the blood that is pooled in the prostate, like blood in a varicose vein, and how does that affect the function of the prostate? How much time needs to pass before this process becomes malignant? Given that muscles actively contract, but not relax, do Therapists know of self-help techniques of which to advise the client regarding relaxing the prostate directly/indirectly?
It is most appropriate for men to treat themselves to massages (not necessarily that of the prostate), as such is one the best ways to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which we understand works in (complementary) opposition to the sympathetic nervous system, and would therefore bring relaxation to the body as a whole. So, the guy who said that he was anally stimulated may have been running on feelings, or he may well have been a little ahead of me and my reasoning in knowing that his prostate needed relaxing.
As for my mentally stressed-out client…while I may not have done a massage considered befitting of a man of his stature, I may well have done my part in saving him and his family some of the undue stress that many know only too well when a bad prostate begins to act up.
And while it is that we harshly judge those who are presumed to engage in anal sex, we may want to consider stepping back a bit. There are cultures that foster this since time immemorial. For them it is not a random act that hangs on a certain mood, they plan for it just as a woman uses contraceptives, and hygiene is paramount, e.g. daily cleaning of the rectum which includes procedures like enemas. Is it that we are so uncomfortable with certain aspects of our sexuality that we can’t bear to see someone acting differently about theirs? And, the men who openly attack other men about such, aren’t some of them the very ones turning their spouses around in secret somewhere? By the way, does the anus have a gender? Does the penis know whether it is entering the anus of a male or female?
Back to my delayed client. I went to see him the next evening. He is about 6ft 2” and 175lbs…having lost 10lbs recently. We did our hug thing, then I sat and listened to his exciting and highly-gesticulated story. He said, let me tell you Rinalda, that trip was like a cartoon. A cartoon? So one man has a problem with his Trinidad staff and he thinks that he is going crazy, and another man is having flight problems trying to get to Trinidad to do his business, and he thinks it’s a cartoon. Excellent. Stress management.
As they were about to leave Miami, they were advised that there was a little mechanical difficulty, so they sat in the plane for two hours until the problem was fixed. Wow! They may have still been there today had it been a big problem. They finally got airborne. After a while he said he noticed that they were slowing down. He concluded that the stress of the delay was now kicking in and affecting his judgment. He later noticed that the plane was leaning to the left. Again, he decided that he was deluded.
They were eventually advised that the left engine had caught on fire and that they would have to land in the Dominican Republic. And so they landed. There were folks there scheduled to go to New York, and a decision was eventually taken to use the plane that was to go to New York to do the Trinidad trip, instead of waiting for a plane to come from Miami. By the time it was all sorted out, he arrived in Trinidad about 10pm. My phone was off by then so I did not get his ‘desperate for a massage’ message until the next morning.
We eventually settled down to the massage, one of those that require much pressure because his muscles are well toned. So it was a case of operating from my core, using gravity and leaning into the strokes rather than fracturing my wrist. We had about half hour of silence until he turned over. He asked when it is that he will get to give me a massage. I enquired whether he wanted to give me a massage, or just to touch me. The latter. Okay, so here is what we will do, we will gather a group of Astrologers and have them check on the position of the sun, moon, stars, and whatever else they see up there, consult with each other, then decide when there will be an appropriate alignment for a massage.
Since he was up to chitter-chatter, I told him that I have been thinking about the prostate and how it is affected by stress, and would appreciate his views on the matter. He said that was fine. So I explained to him the mischief that stress makes on the prostate (better than I’ve done in script). He said he has heard much about the prostate, but the way that stress affects it was new to him. I told him that there is a procedure (several) that allows for a man to sidestep a full-body massage and just have his prostate done, and I wanted to know if he feels that spouses should get involved in this process.
He said he is neutral on that. Neutral? What kind of word is that? I want feelings. Do you feel that women will be supportive in bed if their lovers requested such stimulation? Yes, he does. Really? Where did you say you were from? Originally? Mexico. Okay. Well my dear, I cannot say that I know anything about the sexual habits of the women that I interact with, but there may be some opposition, as generally, men are considered givers and women receivers. To penetrate a man’s anus makes him a receiver, and for all the talk about bi-sexuality, such activities are often indulged in outside the knowledge of a spouse.
Yes, he agrees, but if it helps the guy to have a greater climax he sees no reason why the spouse should not be willing to assist. I hear you. What about you, he asked, are you open to this kind of adventure? Me? My decisions are usually made by a jury, and they are out at the moment. But I can say that my view on an issue is not always my position on the issue. Not possible. Oh, it is. Where you stand, and what you see from where you stand does not have to be the same. So you will not help a guy out? I did not say that, I said I was still on the fence. I might fall off soon enough, because there are a whole host of folks up here on the fence.
But I didn’t tell you about this, you told me that it is good for the prostate. I know. I tend to regurgitate facts with a touch of emotion. Well I’m convinced and I’m willing to try it. For the health of your prostate, or for the climax? Both! It should be great. When I come, I get epileptic. Is that so? Do I take it that folks suffering from epilepsy are having what is termed multiple-orgasms? No, epilepsy is a sickness. Then that must mean a climax makes you sick. Nooo! It’s a figure of speech. I get these…tremours. Okay. And you want to stimulate the prostate on top of that? You know, it would be a great experience. Sounds like an explosive kind of great.
Another client (who looks feeble and is bent of catching up on every kind of pleasure since he had a bypass surgery) told me that he does a PSA twice per year. He explained that it is a blood test that determines the health of the prostate. He said that if the reading is a high number, then a physical examination of the prostate becomes necessary, in which case, he would prefer that I do the exam. Is that so? Yes, you can do anything you want with me. Okay. What about your spouse taking on the job? No. That would not be right. Not right? I would think that having your spouse participate would lend itself to greater intimacy between you two.
No, you don’t understand, he told me. A man cannot put all his treasures in one place. What I share with her is a treasure, when I get a massage that is a different treasure. Then I would think that you need to have someone separate from your wife and a Therapist (he visits several…kinds) take up the prostate mantle so that you get to have yet another treasure. No. The Massage Therapist could do it. I see. This is quite a learning process for me. Good! You could learn on me. I wouldn’t know where to find your prostate. I’ll show you. Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll pay you extra. I am fine with my fee.
I sought the opinion a female on the matter. She had a barrage of questions. What really is the prostate? Was it there all the time? How come there is much talk of it now? What does its stimulation involve? Could such be done during sex? Where are the men from, the ones who are open to this? The women who engage in anal sex, how do they benefit from it? On and on. I tried to answer to the best of my ability. In the end, she simply knitted her brows and shook her head from side to side saying: Girl, I don’t know nah… Her husband is a burly man who runs a garage, so I guess that makes it difficult for her to catch the vision.
Me on the other hand, I am thinking to market massage differently. Jump on the prostate awareness bandwagon…