I heard a shout. It startled me. I heard it again. It was coming from up ahead, but I could not see the person. At least I was now alert. It was night. I had agreed to visit a client and for a moment I was mentally already at the hotel while physically still on my way to get a taxi to take me there. By the third shout I understood what was being said. It was: Out! And again: Ouuuuut! Get out! I soon passed the person who stood just off the pavement outside a closed supermarket holding his head with palms clasped at the back, and was kinda pushing his head forward while leaning his body backward. My gait slowed just to take in the scene then I hurried on. Out!…get ouuuuuut! In Jesus name! In Jesus name! I had to stop and look back. In whose name? Well I never… Self-exorcism the vagrant way? Trying to put Priests out of business? Trying to give Public Health and Social Work professionals more material to assess, or it is the Psychiatrists?
It brought to mind a recent conversation about the definition of I. For the moment I has to be some universal thing or no-thing that is ever alive in everyone/thing. The dead does not say I, so I is not dead. And I, like the breath in our lungs, functions the same yet differently in each of us, with the different being identified by names so that we do not confuse ourselves. Like I was eating yesterday when I came up and took my sandwich and I called out to I and she came and slapped I and asked I why he does not leave I alone. It is better understood if I explain that I was eating a sandwich when John came up and took my sandwich and I called out to Sarah and she came and slapped John and asked him why he does not leave me alone. Apparently one I in the vagrant was a Believer and the other I was not. The Believer shouted in frustration at the other I, but it was not afraid and did not leave. No evil dwells within because we say Jesus, right? Right. This kind of evidence puts a question mark on the statement that says: There is no other name under Heaven by which man can be saved. Are we sure the real name isn’t written in another language on a piece of stone that is locked away in the British Museum?
So much for what transpires during Holy Week. Not daunted, I accepted an invitation to attend an Easter morning breakfast at Church. Thankfully I had breakfast before I left home because the Pastor took his own sweet time to betray Jesus and crucifying Him all over again. I never really understood the badmouthing of Judas. He acknowledged Christ, that’s how the soldiers were able to identify Him. Apart from switching between rebellion and piousness, it seems that He frequently engaged in shapeshifting and/or had a body double. They did not want to try seizing the man who tossed out the money-changers, and found themselves guilty of arresting a mountain-top intercessor instead, or capture the disciple who resembled Him. Due to the technicalities they hired Judas, a disciple who believed sincerely enough to know and guide them aright. On the other hand Peter vehemently denied Christ, Thomas had serious doubts, and John wondered aloud whether they should look for another Christ. Yet we are proud to name our sons Peter, Thomas and John rather than Judas. Hail up, Judas! Wuh guan man?
Well I got my share of sanctimoniousness having mingled with the pious and thought that would have given me a smooth ride until my next sporadic visit. I went out to work with three clients, but only did two. One had just returned from aqua aerobics and wanted to rest. Church attendance did not facilitate foresight into this loss of revenue. But that was okay as it meant I did not have to hear of how badly she is being affected by the water shortage and the difficulty she has with the use of limited water to wash possible and impossible, and how it is a good thing she has a kitten and not a cat so much water is not required. Not exactly the conversation one expects from a great grandmother. Next day the calls of the wild creeped back in. I received a call inquiring about a housecall in Diego Martin. It was not convenient for me to go so I declined. He sent a text the following day stating that he was very stressed and need a massage that is to end happily. I responded saying I could not assist. Same day I got a call from another guy who said he was Nigerian and wanted me to be his manager. What? He would like to come to Trinidad and told me a mixed up story about my satisfying some requirements of the Embassy to facilitate such. I insisted that he had the wrong number.
Next day the Diego Martin guy sent another text. Wanted to know what massage girls I had. I told him if massage practitioners are girls, so too are female doctors, lawyers, managers, etc. I recommended that he go stake out a primary school or a playground if he so badly needed a girl. Mr. Nigeria called back with a fresh twist on his request. I told him I know a Nigerian who lives in Trinidad and she may be able to better understand what he is saying and assist. The call dropped, or he hung up. Something. I went out to see another client who has motor neurone disease. She is pretty and sexy and angry. She believes that she will recover…her independence…and get that disagreeable woman her son made a child with out of her house if I massage her long and hard enough. Neither son nor Doctor has educated her on the disease and I get to hang in the middle as a symbol of hope. Her speech is already mostly gone, so she keeps a book and pen handy and I have to stop, let her write, read, and get back to the massage while I am responding verbally. After I had done a gluteal massage on the left/affected side, she took up her pen to write. When I read, it said the muscles in her vagina were pulsating. She held my hand squeezed rhythmically to demonstrate. Sweet Jesus. I could not foresee this either.
She had asked me to find out the price of the popular brand of Omega capsules for her. I promised I would, and did some research that indicated that the omega-3 fatty acid EPA, although it may have other health benefits, appears to have the potential to be more damaging rather than protective in MND cases. They also suggested that there is need for caution by those who are at risk of developing MND, who may use these long-chain omega-3 fatty acids dietary supplements, which are freely available, over prolonged periods of time. When next we met she wrote that the Nurses do not take care with her legs and they rough her up in the bathroom, especially the Guyanese. I read and nodded. She wrote again, asking that I relay her plight to the Matron. I promised I will. Then she got back to the Omega pills. Said her brother has arthritis and he gets much relief using them. I agreed that many conditions are helped, but since Doctors are the one to prescribe tablets, she should ask hers. She wrote that it’s an OTC medication and she could give me the money to buy some. I advised that I have her best interest at heart and would prefer that the Doctor give a quick word on it before we proceed. She took my number and indicated that her son will call me. Hopefully that is the end of our omega conversation.
And the very next day, which is about Thursday by now, Mr. Diego Martin was back on my trail. He wanted to know if he rented a hotel room in Port of Spain if I would go do the massage. I asked him if he felt it was the place rather than his mentality that needed to change. He asked if there was anyone in the area who I know could assist. I told him to his credit I would give him a chance to make a better first impression than he did with me, so I did give him two numbers, one male, one female. A few hours after the female Therapist called. She related that he did contact her. Consideration was given until he put forward his happy ending bit and she happily ended their communication and blocked his number. Some folks cannot be helped. I was watching a movie later that night when a man called asking how is my night. I asked who he wanted to speak to and when he mentioned a name it was not mine. I told him wrong number. I hung up. Later still, a text came through. It was from the guy with the wrong number. I turned off the phone without reading it.
Then came Friday. I had plans to be in central. My taxi came and I was off to that clime to deal with non-massage matters. Having spent the morning tied up with bureaucracy, I had to wait for the next leg of the transaction to take place after lunch. So there I was in the parking lot with the car doors open and breeze swirling sand in one side and out the next. I decided to go through my messages. The one from the night before eventually came up and I started reading then stopped to share it with my dear friend, but the conversation went in another direction and lunch was served so I left the phone alone. In the height of lunch the Nigerian called and began explaining his plight and I passed the phone to the guy in the back seat. A male voice was not what he wanted to hear so he hung up. Afternoon came and business continued and by the time I got home my body just needed a warm bath and bed. I needed to be mentally and physically rested for classes the next day.
The next day came. Nice and quiet. After the morning class I bonded with my students before they left. Normal stuff. Lunchtime passed and the afternoon class began. During that session the phone rang. Guy from Thursday night with the wrong number. I answered and he asked if I inadvertently got a text from him. Yes, not sure about the inadvertent part. He apologized saying it was meant for someone else. I told him it is okay, these things happened. He asked if I read it and I said I did and that I was sharing it with a friend. Oh, he was now twice as embarrassed. I insisted that he should not worry about it. He then decided that I was a nice woman and wanted to know where I was from. The East. He said he works at/for BP or BG and he is in Guayaguayare and had only just come up from the water. Maybe he is a diver or maybe he is such a nuisance his workmates were trying to drown him.
For about six minutes I listened to him ramble and responded to some of his questions. He is a single parent with a sense of religion who works two week on and two offshore. Okay. He is Spanish and Negro mixed and is generally a nice guy. Okay. He is Libra and wanted to know if I am Cancer as I sounded like one. No, I told him to try another water sign. He said Capricorn. No. Gemini? No. Did he start an astrology conversation of which he knows nothing? He kept guessing until he landed in the right square and was elated. He had a woman like me before and we are good. He ventured to tell me how he has a comfortable place with a bedroom painted in mauve with mirrors all around and he has a pole and a large ball in it too. Is that an invitation? No, he is just telling me. Okay. If it isn’t there is no point to the information. He bobbed and weaved then extended an invitation to his bedroom. I’m not sure if the ball is on the floor or ceiling, but at least I will get to see myself from every angle in the mirrors as I work my way up and down the pole. Nice. I was in class, so I tried to end the conversation. He asked if I was busy. Yes. He said he hoped whoever the guy is is treating me with care, etc. I said there were women present, no men. Okay, he promised to call me later.
I hung up and decided to get back to reading the text which I had only started, but now that I learnt it embarrassed that it was in my possession, and that it was intended for his neighbour’s wife, I was curious as to the full content. I read it aloud to the students. You want to ready it? Here goes… The five needs of a woman are communication, protection, love, affection and respect. These are the main earthly and basic things a woman requires to complete her home. By God’s grace she enjoy such caring, loving and responsible man to honour her loyalty beyond nature’s call from deep within his. Heart happy 35th birthday Liz and yes am on work. I know you enjoy the romance and wet sucking looking at yourself in the mirrors bouncing up and down until you cum. But how Joy know I lick your ass and suck you cunt and I lend you $20,000?? You are a parrot Liz?? You see why I did not wanna fuck you plus you even told her I’ve a real big prick and we fuck 4 almost 3 hours. End of text message. After the length and content of the text were recovered from we spoke of the possibility that he had become more attached to this woman than he anticipated and maybe his loan was not treated as such and she probably considered it $5000 per session and went right back with her husband instead of attempting to live in the house with the glass walls and pole. So now he can’t get back his money and he can’t have the woman and is trying to embarrass her.
The conversation had shifted from him when the phone signaled a text. I looked, from him. I began to read and stopped. It was too much. I passed the phone to one of the students and she read it, silently. We now concluded that he is after sex of a certain nature and dirty talk is part of his stimulation so he is sourcing someone with whom such resonates. Then he called. I told the same student to answer. She did and somewhere in the opportunity she got to speak she advised him that his conversation was distasteful and disrespectful as not every woman appreciates that flavour. I think he might have apologized. It seems he felt that since I was in the company of women we were having a sexual encounter, which is what his last text alluded to. Class ended and I got about dealing with hygiene and chores before another text came. So you and your friend had a good laugh at me?? The week having ended on such a note I did not accept the invitation to attend Church the next day. Well, there was no food. In addition I had begun to feel like a John, wondering if we need to look for another Savior for some of these folks I encountered.
Yet there is no real concern. Salvation comes to each in time, this lifetime for some, the next for others. The Creator will find ways to ensure His creation measures up to the desired level of consciousness. Hence the unenlightented is not looked down upon as a change in that state takes only a moment, like a candle being lit in a dark room, darkness suddenly goes. So too a range of experiences has been prepared to catapult us from unenlightenment to enlightenment. Meanwhile those of us who choose to incrementally get there try to observe the signs and the tools available. Scripture stands out as a major player, but other forms present themselves too. One student recently advised that she was to participate in night-out with other stargazers. A group about 600 strong geared up, bought tickets, and headed out to observes the skies. Interesting. Since when we got so public about our interest in astrology, or was it astronomy? Are we now appreciating that everyone and everything operate at a certain frequency, and are we actively seeking to bond with the people and things that resonate with us, even if it’s in the cosmos? Good!
We have been privately eking music from basins, buckets, barrels and drums for a long time, but when specific attention was given to tuning the drum we called it an invention of the 21st century and watched it spawn studies, jobs, entertainment, etc. It appealed to many who would not have given the drum a second thought, and after decades they still visit pan-yards and participate in keeping the instrument and its knowledge alive. Similarly Astrology, I Ching, Kabbalah, Chakras, etc. have had their practitioners who were quite content with the levels of development they achieved, then another 21st invention occurred. Their complexities were brought together under a concept known as the Human Design and it has appealed to many closet seekers whose religions commitments might have disallowed crossing to obtain certain knowledge. It suggests that we have specific genetic matrix and our aura carries that brand for life so doing anything else will be frustrated as we cannot physically overpower the work of the aura. Generators, Manifestor, Projectors, and Reflectors are the classifications. I browsed the overview and tried to determine which concerned me based on my experiences. Then I used the calculator and it confirmed my conclusion. We find our way through different methods, and if we’re on the right path, all else simply confirms such.
God don’t come, but He does send. I grew up hearing that. Let us look around at the array of things He has sent to facilitate our self-knowledge, which is tied to our salvation. And yes, I’ve heard that argument that we need only believe on Jesus Christ to be saved. What exactly are we to believe? That He was enlightened? That He lived and died consciously? That He saw the future? That He understood natural and spiritual laws? That He had an intense prayer life? That He explained sacred texts in a manner unheard of before? Oops! We need to be baptized too. Sorry. What does that represent, cleansing, doing as He did? So we really need to believe that He did what He did and emulate Him? How? Was He believing and emulating the Christ who preceded Him? What studies did He undertake to master natural and spiritual laws, and how to give up the ghost at will? Where are the modern-day schools of these sciences, the how of emulation? Even as that which is unseen is more than that which is seen, the unwritten Scriptures are bountiful, and our sincere, not curious, pursuit of self-knowledge entitles us to downloads of that which eyes have not seen, nor ears heard, and therefore pens could never have written. And as the Unseen Word works on us from the inside out our Christlike characters begin to take shape. Until we no longer need to be-lieve. We only need to be, for we live/lieve it.